GO AHEAD. I DARE YA!
Several years ago, I decided it was time to embody, live, and take actions toward my life mission: I’m part of the energy cleanup and rebalancing crew on Earth. I meditated, and I taught others how to meditate. I offered my services as a transformative light-worker (whatever the heck that is), and I gave my time and energy to anyone who was in need and knew how to ask for help. I created cosmic events for my community to participate in. And, after accepting a freelance design post in Midtown, I spent the lunch break every weekday of the summer meditating in Times Square. My ground crew and I worked in the collective consciousness, transforming the chaos and dis-ease left over from the outdated social programs of the twentieth century and beyond. My general approach to this kind of thing, though it changes regularly, is to absorb and become one with whatever is present and then shift myself and everything else with me. I call this method sucking up the darkness and releasing the light. By the end of the summer, the feeling in Times Square had transformed considerably. It felt cleaner, lighter, and less disorienting. I was hopeful.
When my post in Midtown ended, I looked for another job. Not just any job this time—I wanted a great job: a fulfilling and supportive one, where I’d work with good people. Oh, one more thing: it had to pay. I was tired of being an underpaid light-worker (apparently, not many people want to pay to be “fixed,” and rightfully so). I decided that my time was worth the cost of my living. I landed a whopper, working with friends designing beautiful objects that would bring pleasure and comfort to their wearers, a position with benefits. It was a miracle. At about the same time, I was given another creative challenge: take one black-and-white photo a day. I gave it the theme of “Duality,” the idea that light and darkness are often simultaneously present. This photo challenge was perfect for my new job: it gave me an outlet to express and beautifully acknowledge the challenges I was going through as I started a new leg of my journey, harder than any before.
What did I learn from these experiences? I am reminded daily that every choice has a compromise attached. To be human is to be dualistic. In the modern age, life as a person is challenging, sometimes hard, and sometimes sorrowful. Don’t get attached to those “feelings.” They are fleeting. Attitude and mental framing determine the outcomes. How many times did I question “emergencies” that ended up being false alarms and illusory dramas? And how often did I forget to question “emergencies” out of a misplaced sense of compassion or empathy? That darned female programming is thick and hard to get rid of. One can go too far; we’re walking a tightrope here. My choices to be conscious and to make intentions with love make all the difference. The outcome of every situation depends on the energy charge I place on the situation through my emotions. Get wound up and we all lose something. Stay conscious, aware, and ready to hit the switch and we can turn everything around. This is mental, energetic, and emotional jujitsu.
Half the the time, I admit, this work breaks my heart. All those I come in contact with are damaged by programs they’re running or attachments or choices they’ve made, none of which I can undo, and I would have no right trying. (If I do try to undo someone’s program, I find I inherit it, and it begins playing out through my thoughts, my words, and my actions. Soon after, its owner and I both hate me for trying.) No one can save us, and we can save no one in return. Of course, I can be equally burdensome if I share my programs too liberally or spend too much time with any one person. We must work on ourselves. If you find yourself surrounded by your close relationships, make time to be alone, reflect, and meditate to clear yourself. If you are reclusive, interact with other people more often. It’s amazing how many dormant programs are triggered when we get to know one another.
This work cannot be done over the weekend or on a retreat (though I suppose if you spent every weekend retreating, maybe you’d make strides). Nope. We have to be mentally strong enough to orchestrate and continue our modern, convoluted lives while feeling through the aches and pains in our hearts, disentangling and letting go of all those outdated modalities, and forgiving ourselves and everyone else as we go. Try that on for size.
So nowadays, when I look at my friends and loved ones who appear to me simultaneously suspended like angels and standing on the edges of their personal cliffs wondering if they should do it, I laugh. First at myself, for imagining such a stupid vision of those I care about, and then at them, for dressing up in my reality like sad clowns. It’s a bad joke. Stop it! I don’t believe you. Or go ahead—jump. I dare you. I love you guys, but, seriously, ouch, my heart. It hurts to see so many angels standing on cliffs. It hurts me to be an angel standing on a cliff. I guess I still have work to do.
Why are we doing this again? Oh yeah, we’re still learning, or at least I am.
I love you.
Eliza Starbuck, November 7, 2015
THE TRANSFORMATIVE STATE 